No doubt Jack the Ripper excused himself on the grounds that it was human nature.
Nice guys get sick.
Next to surviving an earthquake, nothing is quite so satisfying as as receiving a income tax refund
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Never try to outstubborn a cat.
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Never call a man a fool:
borrow from him.
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Network:
The occupation of a fisherman.
Nature sides with the hidden flaw.
Narrow-minded:
Possessing the ability to see through a keyhole with both eyes.
Murphy窶冱 Miltary Laws:
12. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned installations.
Murphy窶冱 Military Laws:
16. If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
Murphy窶冱 Military Laws:
15. Don窶冲 be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
Murphy窶冱 Military Laws:
14. There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
Murphy窶冱 Military Laws:
13. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Murphy窶冱 Military Laws:
11. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
Murphy窶冱 Military Laws:
10. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
Murphy窶冱 Military Laws:
9. If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
Murphy窶冱 Military Laws:
8. Incoming fire has the right of way.
Murphy窶冱 Military Laws:
7. The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
Murphy窶冱 Military Laws:
6. The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
Murphy窶冱 Military Laws:
5. The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
Murphy窶冱 Military Laws:
4. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
Murphy窶冱 Military Laws:
3. Friendly fire ain窶冲.
Murphy窶冱 Military Laws:
2. No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
Murphy窶冱 Military Laws:
1. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
Murphy窶冱 Corollary:
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Murphy窶冱 Corollary:
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious
Murphy窶冱 Constant:
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
MURPHY窶儡 LAW:
If anything can go wrong, it will.
Murphy's Third Law:
Things that go wrong will do so at the worst possible time.
Murphy's Sixth Law:
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Murphy's Seventh Law:
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Murphy's Second Law:
Everything takes longer than you think.
Murphy's Fourth Law:
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong,the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
Murphy's Fifth Law:
If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
Murphy's Eighth Law:
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Moral:
design before you implement.
Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years.
Monday is a hard way to spend one-seventh of your life
Moer窶冱 truism:
The trouble with most jobs is the job holder窶冱 resemblence to being one of a dog sled team. No one gets a change of scenery except the lead dog.
Mistakes are often the stepping stones to failure.
Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
Merkin窶冱 Maxim:
When in doubt, predict that the present trend will continue.
Mencken窶冱 Metalaw:
For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong.
Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
Megahertz:
A very large car rental agency.
May you live in interesting times.
--Ancient Chinese Curse.
May all your wishes be granted.
--Ancient Chinese Curse.
Maugham窶冱 Thought:
Only a mediocre person is always at his best.
Matz窶冱 warning:
Beware of the physician who is great at getting out of trouble.
Matrimony is the root of all evil.
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
--Voltaire
Mark窶冱 mark:
Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.
Many a family tree needs trimming.
Manly窶冱 Maxim:
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
Make new friends but keep the old:
One is silver and the other's gold.
Maier窶冱 Law:
If the facts do not conform to the theory, the facts must be disposed of.
MacDonald窶冱 Second Law:
Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and give it back to them.
Lynch窶冱 Law:
When the going gets tough, everybody leaves.
Lyall窶冱 Fundamental Observation:
The most important leg of a three legged stool is the one that窶冱 missing.
Lyall窶冱 Conjecture:
If a computer cable has one end, then it has another.
Lubarsky窶冱 Law of Cybernetic Entomology:
There窶冱 always one more bug.
Lowery窶冱 Law:
If it jams - force it.
If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
Love the sea?
I dote upon it - from the beach.
Love is sentimental measles.
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
Lord Falkland's Rule:
When it is not necessary to make a decision,it is necessary not to make a decision.
Lonely men seek companionship.
Lonely women sit at home and wait.
They never meet.
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
Life is like an onion:
You peel off layer after layer, then you find there is nothing in it.
Lewis窶 Law:
People will buy anything that窶冱 one to a customer.
Lewis窶 Law:
No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you窶况e bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
X - Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
VIII - Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
VII - Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.
LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
VI - The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
V - Any program will expand to fill available memory.
LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
IX - Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
IV - If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
III - If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
II - Any given program costs more and takes longer.
LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
I - Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
Law of the Perversity of Nature:
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
Law of Selective Gravity:
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
Law of Revelation:
The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
Law of Research:
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Law of Reruns:
If you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch it again, it will be a rerun of the same episode.
Law of Communications:
The result of improved and enlarged communications is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.
Langsam窶冱 Law:
Everything depends.
Langin窶冱 Law:
If things were left to chance, they窶囘 be better.
Krueger窶冱 Observation:
A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil service exam in order to work for the government.
Korman窶冱 conclusion:
The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come your way again.
Knight窶冱 Law:
Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.
Klipstein窶冱 Observation:
Any product cut to length will be too short.
Klipstein窶冱 Lament:
All warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.
Kitman's Law:
Pure drivel tends to drive away ordinary drivel.
Katz窶冱 Law:
Men and women will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
K:
A term used in employment ads to disguise just how much they are really willing to pay.
Jones' Motto:
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Jone窶冱 Principle:
Needs are a function of what other people have.
Jone窶冱 Motto:
Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.
Jennings Corollary to the Law of Selective Gravity:
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the value of the carpet.
Jenkinson's Law:
It won't work.
Jargon is used as a means of succeeding by not simplifying.
Jacquin窶冱 Postulate on Democratic Government:
No man窶冱 life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.
It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
It's always easy to see both sides of an issue we are not particularly concerned about.
It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
It takes both a weapon and two people to commit a murder.
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
It is impossible to fully enjoy procrastination unless one has plenty of work to do.
It is far better to be deceived than to be undeceived by those we love.
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
It is a poor workman who blames his tools.
Internal consistency is more highly valued than efficiency.
Interface:
The opposite of 窶廨et out of my face.窶
Interchangeable parts won窶冲.
Interchangable parts won't.
Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out.
Inflation:
When you save for a long time to buy something, then you find that you can't afford it.Insanity is hereditary - You get it from your children.
Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on.
This person must be fired.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
In America, it窶冱 not how much an item costs that matters, it窶冱 how much you save.
If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.
If you put your supper dish to your ear you can hear the sounds of a restaurant.
--Snoopy
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you.
If you really make them think they'll hate you.
If you make a mistake you right it immediately to the best of your ability.
If you feel like exercising, lie down until the feeling passes.
If you fail to prepare, prepare to fail.
If you continually give you will continually have.
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, maybe you just don窶冲 understand the situation.
If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.
If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
If nobody uses it, there窶冱 a reason.
If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
--Tom Robbins
If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
If computers take over (which seems to be their natural tendency), it will serve us right.
--Alistair Cooke.
If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
If at first you don't succeed, try something else.
If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set.
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
If 6 saws saw 6 sausages, 606 saws will saw 606 sausages.
Idleness is the holiday of fools.
I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.
I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.
I ain't broke, but I'm badly bent.
Howe窶冱 Law:
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
How sharper than a serpent's tooth is a thankless hound.
Horngren窶冱 Observation (generalized):
The real world is a special case.
History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.
Helpless:
Owning a sick goldfish.
Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
Hellrung窶冱 Law:
If you wait, it will go away.
Shevelson窶冱 Extension:
... having done its damage...
Grelb窶冱 Addition:
... if it was bad, it will be back.
He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
Hawkin窶冱 Theory of Progress:
Progress does not consist of replacing a theory that is wrong with one that is right. It consists of replacing a theory that is wrong with one that is more subtly wrong.
Harver窶冱 Law:
A drunken man窶冱 words are a sober man窶冱 thoughts.
Hartley窶冱 Second Law:
Never go to bed with anybody crazier than you are.
Harrison窶冱 Postulate:
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Hardware:
Typically boots, leather, and chains.
Contrast with software.
Handy Guide to Modern Science:
1. If it窶冱 green or it wiggles, it窶冱 biology.
2. If it stinks, it窶冱 chemistry.
3. If it doesn窶冲 work, it窶冱 physics.
Gumperson窶冱 Law:
The probability of anything happening is inversely proportional to its desirability.
Gumperson's Law:
The probability of anything happening is inversely proportional to its desirability.
Grossman窶冱 Misquote:
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.
